To The Girls Who Anonymously Text My Boy
It was Friday night and my teenage boy was staying up late. I kissed him good night and headed up to bed as the glow of Battlefront on the Xbox One filled the room. Somewhere in my deep slumber, I heard Jack running up the stairs. He showed me a text he had just received. An anonymous text. We realize there are girls who anonymously text boys. It’s happened before. The thing is, we don’t know who you are, or IF you’re a girl.
You see, we have always warned Jack not to talk to strangers on any electronic device. Doing so would be a sure way to lose his phone.
This isn’t the first time Jack has received an anonymous text and I’m sure it won’t be the last. How he handles it is a true sign of his character.
To The Girls Who Anonymously Text My Boy,
I’m not sure what compels you to send anonymous texts in the wee hours of the night but, since you do, there are a few things I would like you to consider.
Anonymous texts could be dangerous.
At first, it wasn’t evident whether we knew you or not. For all we knew, you could have been a pedophile, a friend messing around for a laugh, or quite possibly, the wrong number. We just don’t know.
I’m sure I don’t need to tell you, that there are many instances where teens have been lured from their homes to meet up with what they thought were online friends only to find out they were a part of a scheme. A scheme that included kidnapping, prostitution, rape, and too many horrible crimes to mention.
Please don’t assume that we know you are a girl in his class. We just don’t.
I read every single text.
You see, that’s the deal we have here. It’s not about trusting my son, it’s about trusting you. I want to learn which friendships are worth promoting and which are just not.
I learn a lot from your texts and the timing of them as well.
If you wouldn’t voice your texts in front of me, please don’t text them!
Don’t mess with my boy!
You tell my boy you like him and once he has an inkling who you are, you quickly change your tune and declare the whole thing a joke.
This mama bear doesn’t like it when people play with his emotions.
Knock it off!
He doesn’t know you well.
Jack has a good head on his shoulders and isn’t about to become your boyfriend because he likes the idea of being liked.
He wants to know you. He wants to be friends.
Jack knows all good relationships start with actually knowing each other as friends.
I’m learning what kind of girl you are.
Remember, I read those texts! The fact that you text at midnight tells me something.
Playing with his emotions tells me a whole lot more.
Let me learn something great about you. Something meaningful! I know you have good in you!
What I want for my son.
Jack has had many crushes over the years. We’ve always encouraged him to concentrate on school and told him girls would be a distraction from responsibility.
Now that he is older, we understand that girlfriends will be part of the equation.
Here are a few character traits we pray our son will find in future girlfriends:
Authentic – She would never dare to pretend to be someone she isn’t. God has made her who she is and she is perfectly comfortable and content in her own skin.
Confident – She is a positive young lady who knows her value is not defined by the opinions of others, but instead by who she is. She never has to seek the approval of others simply because she has already been approved by God.
Humble – She knows that pride only brings disappointment and allows others to brag on her rather than bragging on herself.
Honest – She is sincere in all she does and would never lead anyone on. Honesty is her backbone and nothing can persuade her toward little white lies.
Independent – She has ambition and drive. She knows what she wants and has no reason to be clingy. She isn’t glued to her phone expecting constant calls or texts.
Low Maintenance – She is naturally beautiful and her beauty doesn’t require expensive appointments and hours of time. She is her own artist and is learning to accentuate the characteristics God has blessed her with. Walking around Costco in high heels is not the way she rolls. Give her a pair of Converse and shades and she’ll be ready to take on the world!
Playful – She isn’t mindless yet she isn’t always serious either. She knows how to have fun in her own witty way and can certainly take time to laugh at herself.
Respectful – She knows there’s a time and place for everything and can turn that playful charm into respect where respect is due. She is polite and generous with those around her.
Smart – She works hard and her actions show it. She has high ambitions and is eager to learn. She recognizes the gifts God has granted her and wants to use them to their full potential.
She Makes My Son a Better Person – She is supportive, loyal, and kind. She likes him for who he is and looks for ways to uplift him. He is motivated by her to be the best person he can be.
She Understands Their Age – Playing grown-ups won’t be her thing. She wants to enjoy being a teenager as long as she can and will not be in a rush to have a serious relationship. She embraces every moment with clarity and enjoys each stage of life.
Would a girl with character traits such as these have a need to anonymously text my son?
Oh … and, girls who anonymously text my boy, just so you know, I may be the one texting you as I try to decipher if I should be concerned or not.
Just like the time I returned a text from someone asking my then 12-year-old when he could cut their hair. I proudly proclaimed I’d be happy to cut their hair but they may not be satisfied with the cut since I’m not a hairstylist.
Yep! When you received the text that said, ‘I think you have the wrong number, I’m a 46-year-old woman’. That was ALL ME!
Sincerely,
A Teenage Boy’s Mom
That’s very interesting! I resisted the urge to give my BIL a talking to today. He posted a photo of my two year old niece on Facebook wearing heels and striking a pose. I sent my sister a private message telling her that if my niece gets yelled at for acting the same way when she’s 16, I’m coming after them.
It’s all fun and games when the puppy nips while playing, but an adult dog is reprimanded for the same behavior (taught by his owners!)
My girls (now 20 and 14) know that dating will not be tolerated here. Courting is how we presenting it and they agree with our point of view. I appreciate the perspective of a mother of a son!
I just want to put some 2 cents in…that is quite a long list of what you’re looking for in a girlfriend for your son. I hope you’re also teaching him to NOT put a girlfriend on a pedestal, as an idol, and that he’s fully aware that while she might not hit every note on “moms list”, she could very well still be a godly woman who messes up sometimes.
Thank you for your perspective, Destinee!
I wish more parents were as invested in their child’s social media/texting life. I grew up before cell phones but my youngest three siblings did. My parents had a rule that phones were on the counter at bedtime on school nights and it was known that the texts/messages could and would be read at anytime. If these were not followed then cell/computer privilege was lost. My parents paid for the cell/internet and give it to them as an earned privilege. I work with children through teens and see what can and does happen when parents are too lax or out of the loop. I also love the list of characteristics for an suitable girlfriend 🙂
Ah! Thank you for the kind response, Kim! It is surely appreciated! I grew up without a cell phone too. There is a lot for teens to manage these days. I love your parents’ rules! We certainly have room for improvement but do the best we can!
This was interesting for me to read. I do not have kids so I am sure what I say won’t be taken seriously. However I do have a degree in psychology and I have worked with children of all ages professionally for 5 years.
I really appreciate the love and care you openly show for your son. You would be surprised how many people these days are to busy trying to be friends their children instead of parent. And in this day and age it’s important to have a strong home life so when the world gets scary, they know they can go home for security. However I feel on the long run as your son gets older he may grow tired and feel you are overbearing. Your son seems like a great kid and came to you when he didn’t necessarily have to. That should show he understands rules and follows them. He at least handled himself very well. However when you say you answer his texts for him, or read them, or are always monitoring, it’s concerning because this doesn’t allow him much of any privacy or room to make much decision. Now I personally was raised with an old school southern mom who’s Motto was “in my house, there is no such thing as privacy”. If i had a journal it was up for reading. Doors to rooms were rarely if ever closed because “we don’t close doors in this house” . With that being said, rarely was my diary read. And rarely was suspicion was even raised. If my parents felt something was wrong they asked or they went looking for answers (i.e read diary and texts and such)
But I was raised with enough freedom to act on my own moral basis and choices as my parents who had faith in the way they raised me (you also mentioned you trusted your son, not the girls) and so I was told to avoid situations where I would make bad choices (i.e. answering strangers). I say all this to say, you claim to have faith in your son and you trust him but not enough to actually let him always act on his own and defend themselves. The reason I even decided to comment was, you would be surprised how many young adults don’t know how to handle themselves in real life situations. I know a few to many adult man children who are loved by parents (usually moms) who love a little to much or hold on too long. You just may want try a slightly less hands on approach in the future as the older children get the more independence the want and should get to an extent. Smothering doesn’t stop them from growing, it simply stunts growth. I have seen it more than a few times from well meaning parents. I mean if your parents made a long (but very reasonable) list of what they wanted for you, you would have some how found a way to do the opposite. But in the other hand girls these days are outrageous and you have to protect your kids from being susceptible to too much other influence.
What I am trying to say is, I love and adore your love and attention to your son, but you may want to reevaluate your approach.
Hi Tina! Thank you so much for taking time to comment with your concerns! I’m sure you have experienced a lot with your job and have gained a lot of wisdom. I agree that many young adults don’t know how to handle themselves in real life situations. I feel it’s important to model how to handle situations with my 13-year-old son, particularly when he comes to me for help. When I respond to texts, he is the one that decides if he should hit ‘send’ or not, and we actually have had good laughs over it. I don’t see myself as overbearing but my two teens may tell you otherwise. As the wife of a middle school vice principal I am privy to the happenings of this age. I’d rather be overbearing in this scary electronic world than end up with a child in harm’s way.
I have to pause and wonder how you would handle teens and electronics? Would you be totally hands off? If your teenage son came to you for help would you just suggest he not respond and the dialogue ends?
Personally, I felt this was an excellent learning opportunity and he grew up just a little bit more!
Mind if I ask what you do for a living?
With a degree in psychology you probably work in therapy or social work. If that is true you work with ‘problem’ children or ‘damaged’ children and have no room to speak as to how healthy families raise their children.
Remember the source.
This was spot on!! Right now my boys are 7 and 9 and I’ve told them no to phones until between 13-15yrs old (that’s because I’m not sure yet, mom thing I guess). But they still have other interactions on the net with games and such, so I am constantly looking and watching what’s being said or done. It can be hard but it is part of it now I guess.
But this is great that expectations have laid out and it seems your son understands them, these nutty girls have it all laid for them too maybe they will catch on quick too! Especially understanding her age, that was very important to me because I want all the other things you want but I damn sure don’t want a girl with my son who wants to play house, if you know what I mean??!! Just be who you are in the moment, which for preteens or teenagers is to still be kids developing the skills and education necessary to get to adulthood. Because once you’re an adult you’re always an adult, being a kid is only temporary. And I think a lot of parents just want their children to have their time being a child because us parents know it’s just a short window of time in your life before 100% responsibility and accountability for one’s self really kicks in, no looking back.
This was a very thoughtful message and thank you for sharing it. I have pinned to read again soon.
Again thank you!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply, Mellie! It’s so true, our kids will have to be responsible adults soon enough. It’s time to enjoy being kids!
Booyah! I’m totally filling this away for use in the future with my 4 guys. Love your kind yet firm attitude and trust for your son.
Oh my goodness, Janeen! You will need it times 4! My boy is far from perfect but he continues to amaze me when these types of situations arise!